Swan Song
by angelle-wings
Summary: If the truth is hurtful, is ignorance really bliss?


The wooden colors pencils scratched against the paper and accompanied with the scratches was a small hum. Across me sat young Elle tilting her head side to side to the tune she was singing. She was using her wooden coloring pencils to draw something and she was the only source of sound in the entire house. It was only me and her on the dining table… And a white envelope laid in front of me with a fragrance I knew too well.

Elle was an innocent child, she sat there with the biggest grin on her face which no matter how much times I saw it… It pained and stabbed me. I knew I had to tell her the truth but even I was not prepared to even mention it. I, myself, didn't want to believe it either. How could I tell her?

The four year-old put her pink coloring pencil down, she paused picked a color and blinked at me before she could continue, "Something wrong daddy?"

I shook my head and faced the young girl with my best attempt of a smile, "No, nothing darling."

She nodded in response and once more continued to hum the song. No, there was no way I could ever tell her that her own mother… Left this world four days ago. How could I just steal her smile off her face just like I did for Lara?

Lara saw me that night. It was the night her smile faded from this world. The night I held Jude's corpse in my hand. I hadn't expected her to be back soon that night… I thought it was my chance…

" _I-it's now what you think." I automatically said, she knew what it was. And it was exactly what she thought. My hands were stained a dark red, and despite it being dark, the moon shone brightly and I was sure she could see the splattered blood on my face._

 _The color was drained from her face and her body slumped to the ground. I could see her lips quivering and the life being drawn from her eyes. Emptiness filled them. And it was all my fault._

 _I took my steps towards her and tried to approach her but when I reached I could see the fear apparent on her face._

 _"Don't come near me!" She snapped, "Don't!"_

 _I stopped and obeyed, it was the first I ever seen Lara scream this loud, with the very little power that she had she pulled her body backwards trying to escape me. Her breathes were light and I could hear them tremble._

 _The guilt wrapped my skin. What was I doing? My own wife was leaving me, escaping from me as if I were a monster with sharpened claws with sticky blood on my fingertips and splatted over my clothes. Perhaps I was a monster. What have I done?_

 _"Y..You are not Ludger… My… Ludger would never do that." She shook her head, refusing to accept it. To accept me._

 _Who was I really?_

 _Her body quickly collapsed and she she did I ran to her side screaming her name._

The events of that night haunted me, begging me not to forget as the guilt was gnawing on my skin. I was a monster, a person who didn't deserve to be called a hero. A person who wasn't supposed to be called Ludger... I wasn't worthy of such a name.

I looked down to find the white envelope still sitting on the table. Lara was bed ridden after the incident, when she was in the hospital she refused to meet me. She met Elle only but even Elle didn't say much except that Lara said she was a little sick. Even Lara didn't tell her anything about the events. Elle didn't mind much, Lara was frail since birth so… She probably assumes she was alright. But in the envelope are her last words. Except, I never read them. Four days since I received it and during these four days I refused to read it. Perhaps because I was a coward.

Finally, at this moment I mustered the courage to open the envelope and my hand shook as I slowly attempted to tear it open. I could feel the fragrance stronger than before, it was familiar, it was the perfume that Lara always used. Despite her name signed in the corner of the envelope I didn't need it to know who wrote this.

I pulled the paper and took a deep breath before I unfolded it. I read the first words.

 _Dear Ludger,_

Even if it were just words I felt I could hear her voice as if whispering them in my ears.

 _I assume you are reading this, I don't know when but that doesn't matter as long as you are now. I don't think you are the type of man to give this to Elle. I, at least, know that about you. But after those events… I realized… I don't know many things about you… Why you cried that first day you met me? You never told me and, at this point ,it is clear you never will. But ever since that first day we met I always thought it was fate that brought us together. I am happy for every single moment I spent with you. You made me smile. And I am so happy for every little second I spent with my Elle. I suppose it's stupid to ask as you might not receive this letter until I am dead but… You also never told me this but… Why is her name Elle?_

 _I honestly don't mind the secrets you keep. I am sure there is a reason to it all but because of these secrets I have so many questions… And perhaps it is why I reached this conclusion._

 _I can't avert my eyes from the truth that laid in front of me, the dead bodies, the blood on your face. I realized at that point there is more to you I don't know despite all the time I spent with you… I always said I don't mind… But I don't know anymore. And you know what? I was and still am scared, the event…it's a nightmare being played over and over in my brain. But I never told anyone. Not even in the hospital… I want to keep everything you did a secret… Because I believe in you._

 _I barely slept and now my body is weak…So it's time for me to conclude this. Please Ludger… Protect Elle… I may have been scared and conflicted with everything going on but… I believe in you Ludger, I hope you know that. I believe you will protect Elle with all your life._

 _Please promise me that._

 _Yours truly,_

 _Lara_

 _PS: I love you and Elle so much and I hope you know that…_

I could barely swallow my spit and I could feel my body weak. I didn't know what to say. She was cruel, to leave me with these words, how could she just leave me with them without even telling me all this? How could she leave a monster like me, one with hands soaked with blood with a daughter as innocent as an angel and *believe* in me?

"Daddy! Daddy! I finished!" I looked up to find the childish voice as she pulled up a piece of art in front of my eyes. In the painting were three people holding hands, one man with green emerald eyes holding a young girl with golden hair and similar green eyes. On the other side was a lady with equally beautiful hair as the child in a beautiful outfit. It was clear who they were.

"The one in the middle is me! The lady is mommy and Daddy you are right… here!" She pointed at everyone, the excitement was glinting in her eyes, "And when mommy comes back from the hos… Hosh-pital I am going to give it to her!"

'Mommy' the word made me feel weak, nothing comes from lies or hiding. That was Lara's last lesson for me in this world and this girl deserved to know the truth like everyone else.

I gulped and responded with a voice which I knew was about to fade, "Elle… Daddy has to tell you something..."


End file.
